Music to my Ears

So, last night, while I was bathing Lila, an interesting thought came to mind. I wonder what kind of music she will grow to like? Not an odd thought since we always listen to music while she takes a bath. (Last night's soundtrack included selections from Neil Young's After the Goldrush, The Shins' Chutes to Narrow, and Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot) Now, I often wonder how my little lady will develop as a person. You know, what activities will interest her, which toys will be her favorites, what foods she will gravitate too, how she will do in school, etc. But the one that intrigues me most is her budding taste in music. The reason for this is obvious. Both my husband and I are music junkies and, quite frankly, music snobs. That's right, our taste in music is better than yours. We know a lot about music and we listen to quite a stellar repertoire. Yep, seriously, snobs. Like we will make fun of the fact that you listen to people like Rhianna or Bruno Mars. I don't care how many records they sell. They suck. Talentless, voice-corrected, mass-produced crap.

So anyway, that is why her music education is important to us. We have exposed her to all sorts of great music since she was in the womb. Literally. I rocked the headphones on the belly each day for a good period and each night before bed. She loved Otis Redding and Paul McCartney/Beatles (just like her Mama!) to get us through the work day at the office. While I was prepping dinner she jabbed and kicked my uterus to the beat of bands like Band of Horses, Avett Brothers and artists as varied as Sinatra, Jeff Buckley, and Beck. And before bed she liked to wind down with a little Pavarotti, Billie Holiday, or Edith Piaf. So you can see, good taste is in her blood!

After I finished her bath and read her a story, I put her to bed, setting her mobile for one rotation of the classic Brahms Lullaby. Like the good baby she is, she was asleep in 5 minutes. So, I sat down and flicked on the TV. Before I could get to my DVR, I decided to quickly log onto Facebook and check my messages. What a coincidence! The topic du jour of my internet "friends" that was blowing up the Newsfeed? Music! Or something claiming to be music - in the form of the MTV VMA awards. So I tuned in to see what everyone was talking about. After all, some of these new artists may have an impact on Lila's musical journey.

Before I continue I feel the need for a few disclaimers:
1. MTV is a TV network that claims to be based on music. This is no longer true. Turn on MTV anytime of day and try to find music. I dare you. Not. Even. Possible. Videos? Gone. Shows about music? Gone. But you will find quality programming that includes seventy-five reality show/ soap operas. Most of them starring ugly ignorant "kids" (if 30 can be considered a kid) from Jersey fighting and vomiting on each other, or even better, insecure, underage knocked-up girls pleading to be loved from their absentee parents and uneducated boyfriends. Uh, quality music television at its best? Whatever MTV. You've officially jumped the shark.

And 2. Despite the fact that they no longer show any music videos, MTV still continues to hold an awards show honoring....wait for it....music videos. WTF? Why don't you just give awards for the songs or albums? That is all we can base our opinions on anyway. I mean when was the last time you saw an actual video without looking it up online? Foolish.

Anway, despite my disdain for MTV and their fraudulent claims of being a network devoted to music, I started to watch the awards. Oh. My. God. What a freakin' train wreck. Now, I understand that every generation has their "hipsters" and that artists try to be daring and show they are creative. But what does wearing a block of cheese on your head (or whatever the hell Katy Perry was going for) or dressing like a man for the night have to do with your music? Oh right, nothing! It just helps you sell records and get media attention. For the art.....ya, ok.

Other than a few acts that were talented and could sing/play instruments (like Beyonce and Adele ) everyone else was pathetic. Gaga, while I admit she has talent and her songs are catchy, utterly ruins any chance of me being a fan since she feels the need to wear outfits made of meat, appear on stage in an egg, or have a 5 minute soliloquy dressed as Joe Pesce from Goodfellas. How is any of this related to music? Maybe she got confused when she fell asleep at career day in school? A little less acting Gaga, and I will take your music seriously.

Other things that irk me? How all of a sudden everyone is retro. 1950's & 60's hair, clothes, and rhythms seem to be what's cool again...key word being AGAIN. Get some originality will ya? The 50's and 60's have cycled back ten times already, so no Bruno Mars, you are not the first person to copy the Elvis look. And trapezes! Why does everyone need to invoke Cirque Du Soleil in order to be considered a "good act?" I'm talking to you Chris Brown. Go back into hiding - no one missed you after the whole "I beat up girls" thing anyway! We already had Michael Jackson and Usher, we don't need you. And the biggest offender of all, Little Wayne. Come on! Don't get me wrong I am not a huge fan of rap, so I probably am not a good person to judge performance, but I do know two things. 1. If you need to use auto tune for an entire song, you shouldn't attempt singing. And 2. If MTV needs to bleep out every other word - literally - you need to go out and buy a dictionary and beef up your vocabulary. And don't tell me that is the style of rap - tons of rappers can make it through an entire song using only one or two elements of profanity for effect. If Eminem can do it, anyone can.

And why are all these rappers "Little" anyway? Little Wayne, Little John, Little Bow Wow. Ok, I understand the last one because he was a kid rapper at the time. But the other two? And now that I think of it - don't they both have the Milli Vanilli dreads, hats, sunglasses, and grills? Hmmm....are they the same person? You know what - who cares, really.

By the time I got to the end of the show (I had to keep watching - it was so bad I couldn't look away!) I was too tired to even mock the scream fest that was Young the Giant. Um, who? Yeah - exactly. So many people I couldn't recognize. Even Katie Holmes had to pretend she knew who the nominees were for the best new artist award she was presenting. And we all know how good of an actor she is.....

So I see that I truly have an uphill battle to secure my daughter's musical education. I have to make sure she gets exposed to all the good music out there, past and present. I have to make sure she appreciates things like real melodies and harmonies, musical instruments that don't come out of a computer, and poignant and clever lyrics. Because if I leave it to current radio stations and MTV, she may think that Britney Spears actually does deserve a lifetime achievement award.

Seriously MTV? Go BLEEP yourself.