Ok, now that that is off my chest and I feel all warm, fuzzy, and guilt-free, on to today's topic. It is something I am going to call Illness Etiquette. That's right. The basic rules of what to do, or more precisely what NOT to do when one is sick. Now this refers to typical seasonal sickness, not long term disease, which I would be less sarcastic and more sympathetic to. (don't laugh, I would!) Nope. This post is for all you geniuses who think that is it ok to be hacking up phlegm and still come to work. Or those of you who still send poor little Billy or Suzy to school when they have a fever of, oh I don't know, 103!! You know who you are.
And to further shame you, I am going to refer to you people as The Pretenders. No you are not named after the cool band. You have been dubbed such because you are infamous for getting sick and then pretending you are not. Or getting sick and trying to return to the normal world prematurely. I must say I don't understand this phenomenon. When I am sick, I totally milk it, for as long as I can. Staying home, laying on the couch, and watching TV or reading all day while my husband caters to me? Doesn't sound too shabby to me. Especially if I look and feel like death!
So why Pretenders, why? I have heard all your arguments, and I must say, I am not buying any of them. Like when you say you are "not that sick," or you have "just a little cold," or my personal favorite, because you "are starting to feel better." LIES I tell you! For what? Just so you can return to work, or attend some function? Well guess what? There is no such thing as being a "little sick." You either are or you aren't! That is like saying you are only "a little pregnant!" And if you are only "starting" to feel better, then you are not really better yet are you? I don't know about anyone else, but I am willing to sacrifice seeing you until you are 100% sure. I mean is it going to kill you to wait another few days to fully recover? Choking, sneezing, and oozing out of your orifices is not considered healthy, nor is it polite. None of us are spewing our juices around like that. So why do you still insist on leaving your house? Take the hint...we chosen healthy ones...we don't want you around!!!
So I do wish those of you who have contracted the swine, or just the typical cold weather bug, a speedy recovery. But I am begging you please, please, PLEASE stay home and really get well. Especially with the holidays coming. No one wants to eat a contaminated pumpkin pie, or sit next to your sticky-fingered, runny-nosed kid at dinner! I mean you people do realize that this is how the pandemics live on, right?
Come on Pretenders. Learn Illness Etiquette! Don't punish the rest of us with your germs just because you think we'll miss your presence at the party, or that we can't get along at work without you. Because in all honesty, we hardly notice you're gone. Yes, sorry to say, but the world does keep spinning. So, please do not return to it until you're not!
